Jared Kushner's Father Triggered Collapse of French Government

Charles Kushner says he was just "being helpful"

Before even being approved by the US Senate, Trump’s nominee as Ambassador to France, Charles Kushner, has caused an uproar there by triggering the recent collapse of the French government.

A convicted felon—who was also disbarred in three states—Kushner recently flew to Paris unannounced on a “secret mission” that blew up both in his face and the 68 million faces of France’s citizens.

Ambassador-nominee Charles Kushner moves through angry Paris crowd following the collapse of the French government that he caused.

“I was just trying to be helpful,” the real estate developer replied, when asked by reporters. “J'essayais juste d'être utile,” he repeated in fluent French for the benefit of the local press.

No matter. Not even the staunchest Americanophile in La République Française was in the mood for excuses as to why the 70-year-old ambassador-to-be would try to blackmail France’s populist far-left firebrand Jean-Luc Mélenchon, much less botch the attempt so badly.

The Set-Up

Soon after his arrival in Paris, Kushner secretly met with a young woman carefully chosen by his associates in Paris expressly for this assignment.

Depiction of Charles Kushner’s proposed meeting with his confederate, a Parisian prostitute, in the plot to blackmail Jean-Luc Mélenchon.

The Hook

Code-named Mademoiselle X, the dame de la nuit would entrap Jean-Luc Mélenchon while he was out walking his dog, so that he could be photographed without his knowledge in numerous compromising positions with Mademoiselle.

The Delivery

Following that, the plot continued, Kushner was to deliver shocking photos that involved BDSM, Bestiality, Gender-Swapping, Carnal Attenuation, Massive Unskilled LKU, Explicit Hibernation, and other acts whose names we have been forbidden to print here by order of our billionaire publisher.

Unretouched photograph of meeting with Le Pen at which dozens of shocking photos were delivered

The Blow-Up

The plot to blackmail Jean-Luc Mélenchon and have Le Pen’s right wing party seize control of parliament would likely have succeeded had not France's Prime Minister Michel Barnier, head of the third, controlling coalition, gotten wind of it.

Once that had occurred, one thing led to another and—next thing you know—the two extremist parties voted “no confidence,” parliament was dissolved, Michel Barnier resigned, and Charles Kushner found himself in deep merde.

Kushner, though, remains unfazed as he lays plans for his next move after he becomes the actual Ambassador to France. “L’etat c’est moi,” he boasts, “on Day One.”

[Note to Ka$h Patel: This a satire. I’m truly sorry if I offended anyone. At times like these, satire really needs to be fully explained so that there are no misunderstandings or, you know, “hard feelings.” If you want to meet with me in person about this, I would be grateful to meet with you at your place.]