Norton AntiVirus-MAGA 2025 Keeps You Magat Free

Eliminates disgusting trolls, shitheads, and ignoramuses

You deserve a life free from sickening and time-wasting idiots, racists, trailer trash, and degenerates. And with Norton AntiVirus-MAGA 2025, for only $89.95, you can experience the Internet the way it was meant to be.

Now you can use any social network (except Twitter) without any nauseating MAGATs

Yes, thanks to an advanced AI algorithm developed at—but discarded by—Facebook’s tech staff *, this new software will literally change your life. You get:

• Anti-MAGA BASIC, which removes postings by racists, misogynists, homophobes, and other common live infections from your Facebook, Instagram, Bluesky, and Substack feeds.

• Troll Patrol, which detects trolls, both human and bots. Turn on its Time-Waster feature and, with one click, your own bot will automatically engage their bot in pointless exchanges for as long as you want—for up to 6 months!

• Targeted Pestilence Terminator, which identifies and terminates any online reference to Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Elon Musk, Tucker Carlson, Stephen Miller, and “Three-coats” Bannon. Read the news without having to take dramamine to keep from upchucking your breakfast.

This product will protect you and your family from even the most vile, disgusting creatures that MAGA can produce.

• Dumbfuck Remover, which responds to and then blocks all content from election deniers, climate deniers, fake news spreaders, anti-vaxxers, devout Creationists, and fans of Jordan Peterson and of JK Rowling’s nonfiction. Customizable: You can add other categories to the list.

• SCROTUS b-GONE will not only identify all fallacious arguments attributable to the Scumbag Six “justices,” but offers citations to respected legal authories that totally refute such sophistry as: hasty generalizations, false dilemmas, appeals to authority, strawman, begging the question, non squitur, and appeals to supposed tradition.

• ORANGE TURD ERADICATOR (OTE) Not only will you never have to see the Orange Turd’s face ever again, but you'll never have to hear its voice or any image or sound emitted by its multitudinous spawn. This feature alone is worth the price of this product.

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*About our technology: The remarkable AI technology behind Norton AntiVirus-MAGA 2025 was developed at Facebook. When Mark Zuckerberg cancelled the use of it, technicians who helped develop it came to us in the interest of bettering society. We think you'll agree that this move was “one giant step for humankind.”