Trump Explains Tariffs to Antarctic Inhabitants

"You're going to get tired of winning"

[Author’s Note: I have been publishing fewer pieces here recently because I have been quite busy organizing and participating in local protests.]

In a lecturing tone of voice, the Meander-in-Chief explained the terms and conditions of his Liberation tariff to a rapt audience of residents of the remote Heard and McDonald Islands.

“No more taking advantage of America,” he warned. “You've been taking us for suckers for way too long.”

“No ifs, ands, or buts,” he added, in response to a cacophony of squawking, braying, honking, and trumpeting.

“They love me,” he said to the Fox News reporter covering the event.

“They certainly do, Mr. President,” chimed in DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, as the camera turned to show her—posing elegantly next to two decomposing piles of the islands’ annual exports.

The celebration was suddenly interrupted by an extreme left-wing resident who was obviously unhappy with Trump's Liberation.

“Somebody punch him in the nose, er-beak - - or whatever it is that these pelicans have on their faces,” the angry Trump honked, blending in with the ambient sounds of the crowd.

No sooner had he uttered the word “faces” than a team of unmarked thugs hustled the wriggling troublemaker off the island.

“It's only 9,550 miles to El Salvador—Am I Right?”

[NOTE: Since the line between satire and reality was abolished by Executive Order #66, you are hereby notified that the above story was, in fact, satire.]